For instance, if you were giving your partner a heavy spanking, how would you be able to discern whether a panted "no no no!" meant "stop it right now I don't like this" or "don't stop, that feels incredible!"?
For this reason, it is common to choose a particular word as your safe word, a word that is only used to mean one thing, "Stop the action right now!!!".
There have been many articles written regarding the need for safe words in order to practice BDSM safely. What is rarely discussed is the wonderful freedom a safeword creates.
When vicariously heading out on the path of dominance and submission, exploring many new activities and experiences, it's hard to feel entirely certain that what you are doing is okay with your partner. Are they hurt for "real"? Do they like what you are doing to them? Will they stop if you need them to? How will you communicate that you've reached your limits, without hurting any feelings?
A safe word, when used properly, creates a situation where you are free from such worries. The submissive can truly let go, able to scream, to cry, to whimper, to moan, to fight, to say "no no no no no" and none of these things will stop the action, when she/he truly wants it to continue. The dominant partner can have confidence that all is well, and that they are not causing their submissive true harm.
When safe words are used effectively, an environment of incredible trust can be created. Boundaries and limits can be pushed and explored knowing that in extreme situations, and extreme situations only, the action will be stopped with one word.
Both dominants and submissives will gain safety and freedom by using a safe word. The following are a couple of tips for creating and using a safe word in your scenes.
– pick a word that you would never use during the scene, such as "octopus".
– some people like to use traffic light colors. "Yellow" can be a warning that things are getting a little too heavy. "Red" will mean stop the action no matter what. "Green" then starts the action up again.
– when the safe word is used, stop everything you are doing, undo any bonds, remove any gags, and find out what is going on. NEVER continue the action after a safe word has been said until the situation has been resolved.
– never use a safe word as a joke and reserve it only for serious issues. For example, don't say your safe word just because you want your hand untied to itch your nose.
– trust your safe word. Know that it will be used if necessary, and know that the action will stop if/when it is used.
– a safe sound or action may be needed in certain scenes, for instance when someone is gagged. Some people will use a series of grunting sounds. Others will hold an object in their hand, and dropping it is the safe signal.
– in a few instances, one partner may wish to stop the scene even if the safe word has not been used. Sometimes, people push themselves past their own limits.
Respect, for and to, both the Dominant and the submissive allows for the safeword to be used and adhered to, trust at all times between the parties also is a major factor in any play scene, which grows and intensifies as each get to know the other, what is and what isnt acceptable and limits can, under a watchful eye and a caring attitude, grow.
Enjoy the safety of your safe word, relax into your time of play knowing that if the need arises and you have to call your safe words, within the realms of a good D/s relationship that will be respected at all times.
Contact Information
Feel free to email us if you have any suggestions or comments. We welcome all comments from our readers. Many thanks.
E-mail: webmaster@seekers.org.uk
External Links
Disclaimer
D/s seekers contains adult oriented sexual material that covers many issues relating to BDSM. Please leave NOW if you are under 18 years of age or are offended by such material. The management ask that you please exercise all caution in using any information found in any links, posts or in the website of D/s seekers. Any material placed here is believed to be either authored by the owners, or shared with permission.